This is a copy of a letter that is put in each of the boxes. It sums up why the boxes were created.

This box has been put together for you with love and compassion. We hope that the items in the box may provide some comfort and help to ease some pain and heartache. We have included many things that we hope will make this difficult time a little easier. It has been put together by moms who have gone through what you are going through, moms who know the pain you are feeling.

On November 11th, 2008 I went through the pain of losing a son: His name is Benjamin. My pregnancy had been perfect until I was 36 weeks along and realized he had not moved for quite some time. I went to the hospital and was given the news that would forever change my life: My sweet baby did not have a heartbeat anymore. I was induced and delivered him 2 days later. He was perfect.

I stayed in the hospital for two days after his birth. My husband and I were able to hold him and talk to him as much as we wanted during those days. My parents and my mother-in-law were able to fly here to meet their grandson, hold him and say goodbye. Having those two days with him was priceless. I had a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep come and take photos of my sweet baby boy and I will cherish them forever. I was able to sing him the songs I imagined singing him every night. I was able to show him the warmth of the sun and the beauty of the flowers we had been sent. I was able to kiss his forehead and stroke his hair. I was able to tell him all about his brother, his daddy, and how much he will be missed. I was able to tell him that he will never be forgotten. I told him that his daddy and I would go on to have other children but that they would never replace him, that he would always be our sweet baby boy, our second born son, and would always have a special place in our hearts.

When it came time for the nurse to take him away I thought it would break me. I thought I would cling to her leg and beg her not to take him away. But having had those few days with him I felt a sort of peace with his leaving. I knew it was just his body being taken away, that it wasn’t him anymore. I felt fairly confident that I had said all I needed to say. Of course I was still heartbroken that he would not be coming home with me and the pain I felt was very much consuming, but I knew it was time.

In the months following Benjamin’s death I knew I wanted to do something to help other families who were also going through this devastating loss. I was amazed at how the loss of a baby is not talked about. It’s almost like its a secret society and no one wants to bring up the topic for fear of making people sad. To me that is just wrong; not talking about our lost babies is what is sad. Even though Benjamin never got a chance to live outside my body does not mean he didn’t exist. I tell his story to anyone that asks because I want people to know that the sad reality is that babies do die. The more awareness that there is, the more compassion that there is. It is not something that should be pushed aside and ignored. Our babies lived inside us, and they are very real.

This new reality, this life of a bereaved mother, is hard. But eventually you can adjust to this new life. You can find a way to incorporate this loss into your reality. You can find ways to be happy again. It may take some time and it may take some outside support but you can make it through this. There are so many people that are ready to help you. Please know that as you struggle to find a way to adjust there are people that have been there before who are waiting to listen and offer support in any way you need. You are not alone in this pain.

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3 Responses to “Reason for the boxes”

  1. Paula Anakalea said

    On Jan 15, 2009 I lost my precious little girl Kyra Jade Kamaleiokalani Anakalea. I had waited patiently for ten years to have her. I could not get pregnant. So when I found out I was pregnant it was truly a wonderful surprise. Everything was fine up untill I was 36 weeks and the doctor could not find a heartbeat. My question is I really thought i didnt want to talk about it, but I found your website and it made me cry so hard. I really need the support and maybe you can direct me to the websites that would most benefit me. I am deeply sorry about Benjamin. I love the website Benjamin boxes. Im not at that point where I can help others yet, and I hope to get to that point someday soon. I am still very angry at the world. If you could email me those websites I would be very grateful. Thank you so much God bless you Paula

  2. rae2007 said

    I am so sorry that you only had 36 weeks with your sweet baby Kyra. The anger at the world can take a long time to come to terms with; and it often creeps back in at unsuspecting times. I hope you are able to find some peace and happy memories of your daughter.

    Of course I will email you the websites! I found a lot of support and information on the internet. It made me feel that I am NOT alone in this grief. I hope you will find the same comfort.

  3. T F said

    Hello,
    I have not personally experianced a loss but I am deeply moved by your story and others. I don’t have money to donate but if there is anything I can do to help other families I will.
    Thank you for what you do.

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